Dib and Gaz, seed of Johnny
by izfan26
Summary: Johnny C. is thinking about his children, when a commotion from five houses over gets his attention. WARNING: child abuse. DaGf, NnyxDevi
1. Chapter 1: daddy's gotcha

*blows off dust* oh, hi. I'm back on this. Here, let me fix these walls of text, and I'll have a new chapter soon.

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><p><em><strong>DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS; ALL I OWN IS THE IDEA. JUST SO YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT THAT GAZ MIGHT HAVE BEEN NAMED AFTER HER DADDY, AND DIB MIGHT HAVE BEEN NAMED AFTER HIS MOMMY IF THEY WERE DEVI AND JOHNNY'S CHILDREN. AND ALSO, I MADE THE C. IN JOHNNY'S LAST NAME STAND FOR CHADWICK. JUST SO YOU KNOW.<strong>_

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><p>"Please… stop…" Gaz begged weakly. Her father hadn't been the same since her mother's death, and decided to throw himself into his work until he felt better, but, when he didn't, he thought he'd harm the source of his wife's passing. Gaz. And he hit Dib also. But, here's something the children never knew. They were kidnapped. But, that didn't stop the professor from beating them on a daily basis for no apparent reason.<p>

"Please…" Dib begged "daddy, please!" Membrane just laughed. He laughed and laughed. He loved the sound pain made. Especially on children that weren't his.

But, one did lose energy by beating the trembling little bundles clinging to each other. "Okay, this beating stuff's getting old. Dib, help your sister." Out of the blue, he was like a whole other person. Dib got a first-aid kit from the bathroom. He tenderly wrapped up one of Gaz's wounds. Gaz was too young to have to go through this. If anyone, it should be Dib.

"Don't worry, Cinderella." He whispered. "Someday soon, we'll both get out of this madhouse." Dib called her Cinderella because Cinderella was treated badly by her adoptive parents, but, she ended up happy. Gaz pulled away from her brother, and ran to find her daddy.

She held her teddy in her arms, and found membrane by the coat rack, getting ready to leave. "Daddy! Wait!" the sweetened girl trembled. Membrane whipped around, and glared daggers at the six year old.

"What do you want, you little brat?" he hissed.

She extended her bear to him. "Take… the… teddy?"

Membrane pushed her away. "I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOU!" he smacked her, and went to the car. She, however, chased after him. Dib ran after his sweet sister, trying to protect her from their father… or as they thought he was.

_**Meanwhile, five houses down**_

Johnny stared out the window into the rain, fantasizing about his two beautiful children, wishing he knew where they were. He closed his eyes, and flashed back to the day he lost them:

_*flashback*_

_Fifteen year old Johnny and his fifteen year old GF Devi were walking with their two children, a two year old, and a three week-old. "What a__ wacky__ looking young man!" some guy proclaimed. _

_Even at fifteen, Nny was insane. So, he pulled out his Dagger, and ran after the guy who had called him wacky. Devi left the stroller and her young son to chase her boyfriend. As she was trying to pull him off the poor man, the two teens heard Dominique screaming and Jessica crying. The young parents looked up, and saw that famous scientist who killed his wife stealing their children! _

_"__**Hey! Put them down!**__" Johnny screamed, chasing the man with a knife. Professor Membrane looked up, grabbed Dominique by the arm, and ran. Johnny ran after the man as long as he could, but, to no avail. He lost the man. Johnny dropped to his knees, and all he could hear was Devi crying, and his own heart pounding. But, other than that, he heard his own thoughts;_

I'm sorry kids.

*end of flashback*

Just then, Johnny heard something from five houses down. "**FOR THE LAST TIME**," a man screamed "**I DON'T WANT YOUR STUPID DOLL!**" Johnny ran at vampire speed to the front yard to see the professor with his girl who was crying, and trying to give him a teddy, and his son, Dominique.

_Is this why you kidnapped my children, Membrane? So you could abuse them?_ And the teddy wasn't the worst part; Membrane grabbed her arm, and started punching her.

She was crying and crying, begging, "Stop… please… daddy, please!"_ DADDY? _The word was like a slap across the face.

Dominique started pulling the professor's arm, begging, "Daddy, stop! Please! She's a little girl!"

_Dominique calls him daddy too?_ But, Membrane grabbed him by the neck, and used him to beat Gaz.

Johnny pulled out a whistle (who knows where he got it?) and blew into it for fifteen seconds. When everyone in the yard (and basically on the street) was looking at him, he calmly said, "That's quite enough, Membrane. Do you know who I am?"

Membrane looked at him in horror. Nny knew the answer, but, Membrane tried to act like he didn't. "n-n-no…" he squeaked. Johnny glared at him, true, unimaginable hate in his red eyes.

"'**Hey. put them down**,'" Nny sneered "**sound familiar? You'd better remember me like your life depends on it. BECAUSE IT ****DOES!**" Nny pulled the knife from his pocket, causing Membrane to be so afraid, he looked like he was about to have a heart attack. "I'll ask you again; do you remember me or not?"

"Yes! Yes! I do! You're that wacky looking boy!"

_crack _went Johnny's sanity. "you can kidnap my children; you can defile my aunt's grave-"

"I'm over here."

"-you can even try to kill me," Johnny said, through clenched teeth, trying his best not to go completely ballistic and kill his children, just the man who had called him 'the w-word'

"but, call me wacky, and **YOUR LIFE IS OVER!**" he screeched, plunging the knife into Professor Membrane's chest. He pounced on the body, even though he was probably dead already, and reduced him to nothing more than a pile of blood, bones, clothes and organs. He took a deep breath, stood up, and turned to his children, each sure they were next.

"Don't kill us!" Dib squeaked.

"I'm not going to hurt you, children."

"Tell that to daddy!"

Johnny smiled, uh, "sweetly" at the little girl. "He wasn't your daddy, sweetheart. Do you remember me? Oh, of course you don't. Come on, I'll explain at home." He took his son's tiny eight-year-old hand, and Dib grabbed his sister, who was clinging to her teddy. Johnny was going to try to explain their kidnapping as best he could and, once Devi got home from work, introduce them to their mommy.


	2. Chapter 2: mother dearest

_**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN JTHM OR DIB AND GAZ; THEY BELONG TO JHONE VASQUEZ- WHO I APOLOGIZE TO IMMENSELY FOR MAKING HIS CHARACTERS FALL IN LOVE- ANYWAY, HERE'S YOUR BAD JOKE OF THE DAY. WHAT ANIMAL HAS MORE LIVES THAN A CAT? A FROG. IT CROAKES EVERY NIGHT!**_

_**A/N: JUST SO YOU KNOW, IF I SAY DIB, I MEAN DOMINIQUE, AND IF I SAY DOMINIQUE, I MEAN DIB. SO, KEEP IN MIND THEY'RE THE SAME EIGHT YEAR OLD BOY. AND, IF I SAY JESSICA, I MEAN GAZ AND IF I SAY GAZ, I MEAN JESSICA. SO, KEEP IN MIND, THEY'RE THE SAME , R&R, PLZ!**_

Devi was speaking to her customer, but, then her phone rang. "You can find the horror romance novels in the third row!" she called over her shoulder to the woman. The cell phone was deeply buried in the purse. "Hey, babe." She said into the cell phone.

"Sweetie, do you remember our children?" the 23 year old fell silent.

"Johnny," she said, quietly "Nny, what are you getting at?"

"I found them. They're here with me."

Devi almost cried, but, hated to do so with Johnny. "They're alive?"

"Yes. Can't wait to see you. Love you. Call me later, ok?"

"Ok, bye. Love you." The phone call ended, and, for the rest of the day, Devi had an enormous grin she couldn't smack off her face.

_**MEANWHILE, IN A LOCATION THAT CAN ONLY BE DESCRIBED AS THERE,**_

"So, that was mom?" Dib asked.

"Yes." Johnny responded, before sitting down next to his two children. "If I may, I'd like to know a bit more about you two."

Dib started.

"Well, I'm a paranormal investigator. I hunt aliens, and there's one at the school I go to. Gaz and I go to the same school. You know I've gotten undeniable evidence countless times. But, no one believes me. They all think I'm totally insane. I don't blame you for thinking right now, 'my poor, insane son.' That's what the professor always called me. He didn't even call me by my name."

Johnny smiled that crooked, insane grin. "Dominique, you can trust your mother and I will call you by your name. And, I don't think you're crazy. So, Jessie, what are you like?"

Here's Gaz's response:

"Well, I guess you could call me crazy. Every time something goes remotely wrong, or Dib/Dominique/whatever does something that annoys me, I go on an insane killing rampage. But, after dad- the professor started hitting me, I stopped. I know and admit Zim's an alien, but, I don't think he's capable of destroying earth. his girlfiend, Tak is another story. She's at least a challenge. But, Dib/Dominique/whatever thinks they're all capable of destroying the world. He thinks I'm crazy. He is crazy though."

Johnny laughed at the girls words. "That's my girl. Torn between good and evil. Personally, Jessie dear, I don't think you're crazy. Neither of you. But, keep in mind that daddy might be criminally insane."

That's when the moaning started. Dominique and Jessica looked over at the door. Nny pulled out his knife "wait here, I'll be right back." Dominique and Jessica grabbed each other in horror. This is what they heard in the basement:

Johnny: **QUIET! YOU'RE SCARING MY KIDS!**

Guy: YOU'RE probably scaring your kids!

Johnny: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

*killing noises*

*eerie silence*

Then, Johnny came back upstairs, coated in blood. None of it was his. "Sorry you had to hear that."

"What was that dad- I mean Nny?" she scowled at the accidental "daddy". However, Nny tried to smile at it, but, ended up smirking.

"Well, sweetheart, if you didn't already notice, daddy's a homicidal maniac. Those were just a few… _friends_ of mine. You won't have the misfortune of knowing them."

_My father's a murderer._ Dib thought _well, that _would_ explain that wall covered in blood._

"Best you kids don't go in the basement." Then, a car pulled up in the driveway. "That's your mom." Devi stepped out of her car

"she's lovely," Dib said "she looks like Gaz."

Johnny took the children outside, and stood on the porch, looking at Devi. She looked like she was about to cry, but ran up to her young family, and wrapped her arms around them.

_**A/N: sorry for any OOC-ness. I'm not familiar with the comic, so, just tell me what I did wrong in the comments.**_


	3. Chapter 3: johnny the homicidal fiance

_**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN JTHM OR IZ, ALL RIGHTS GO TO MY HERO, JHOEN VASQUEZ-WHO ZZIE APPOLOGIZES GREATLY TO FOR HAVING HIS CREATIONS TIE THE KNOT**_

"Johnny! What is it? Why can't you just tell me?" Devi laughed as Johnny pulled her along.

Johnny's grin became wider and more evil by the minute. "Trust me, sweetie. You'll see when we get there." That started to get Devi a bit scared.

The only thought in her head was,_ Johnny is going to kill me. I bore two of his children, and he's still going to kill me. _Devi flashed back to the night they had conceived the children.

_fifteen year old Devi was sleeping soundly with her window open so her "vampire" boyfriend could watch her sleep- if he WAS a vampire, which she was still debating with herself-. She heard some noises come from the window. Johnny. She just smiled, thinking he wanted to watch her fall asleep. Vampires, if you didn't know, love that. But, Johnny didn't want to watch the girl fall asleep. She heard him walk up to her. She tried to pretend she was still asleep, she was so terrified. She was positive he was going to drink her blood until he said, "calm down, I'm not a vampire. But, I do want something from you."_

_**CENCORED!**_

_**THIS NEXT PART CONTAINS TWO THIRTEEN YEAR OLDS DOIN' IT.**_

_The next morning, Devi woke up naked in a bed next to Johnny. She didn't care. He was happy, and, believe it or not, so was she. Nine months later, Dominique came into the world. Two years and nine months after that, Jessica was dropped down into both their arms. Then, three week- wait; did I already say what happened? Sorry. Anyway, let's fast forward six years from then._

Yep, Devi was sure she was dead. But, then, she saw something sparkle in Johnny's pocket. _Probably his knife_ she thought. He led her to a hill that overlooked the city, underneath a beautiful white weeping willow. The children were also there, looking at their mother, each grinning ear to ear.

"Children, as you already know, mommy and daddy have an announcement."

Devi was confused. "We do?"

"I hope so." Johnny took Devi's black finger nailed hands in his, and started to get all romantic and poet-ey.

" Devi, from the moment I met you, I knew you were meant to be with me forever. I love your sarcasm, I love how you pretended to be in a coma that one time so we could be in a room alone together. I love how I can try to kill you (damn the doughboys) and it'll still work out in the end. I love how you had to of my children. And, above all, I love how you love me no matter how criminally insane I might be. I guess what I'm trying to say, is," Nny knelt down and reached into his pocket.

_This is it_ Devi thought_ he's about to kill me in front of our children!_

"Miss Devi D…"

_Prepare to die,_ Devi thought.

"Will you be Mrs. Devi C? Will you marry me?"

Devi looked at the beautiful black ring in his hand. The always present insanity in his eyes had vanished, if only for a moment. Devi found herself experiencing an emotion always present for Nny. Love. Love, bliss, happiness. The only word she forced past her tightened throat was, "yes." Johnny slipped the ring on her finger. For some reason, Devi reflected, I feel like that ring was always supposed to be on me. She jumped into Johnny's arms, and kissed him. "I can't give you my heart, or I'd stop living again! So, have this one!" Johnny held out the heart of someone he had killed. Devi plastered a nervous grin on her face, and took the heart. "Eh-heh, thanks, Nny."

_**NEXT CHAPTER- HERE COMES THE BRIDE!**_


	4. Chapter 4: here comes the bride

_**DISCLAIMER: LOOK, IF YOU DON'T KNOW I OWN THIS BY NOW, THEN I'D ETTER STOP TYPING THESE THINGS ALTOGETHER. MAYBE YOU'LL GET THE IDEA BY THEN.**_

As far as churches go, this one wasn't very crowded. The Diablos had made an appearance (you know it's gonna be a disaster when Satan makes an appearance). Squee (Nny's best man) had coaxed his parents to come to the wedding, saying there would be food. Jimmy was in the back pew (he was not invited). Even Zim and Tak had come (disguised of course), Zim unwillingly in a tuxedo, and Tak in a purple and black frilly dress. Gir and Mimi were taping the wedding on their memory chips, which would be removed immediately afterwards.

At the altar, Squee and Tess stood across from each other, as best man and maid of honor. The pastor was none other than our favorite noodle, and he was currently ranting to the two on either side of him that, sadly, his bagel had no laptop-nipple.

To Devi, it looked absolutely perfect.

"Get back in here!" squealed Anne, pulling her back from the window. "They're not supposed to see you before you walk down the aisle! It's bad luck!"

Frankly, Devi didn't see what else Anne and Cleo could do to her. Her purple hair had been curled into a cascade of ringlets, her face was suffocating in makeup, _and she_ was suffocating in this friggin'corset- Anne said it would be great because the French wore them. "French women must not like to breathe." She'd replied. She earned herself and extra tug.

The dress itself was gorgeous- two separate pieces of fabric, black and purple, were the bottom half. They opened to reveal her legs up to her knees, and were kept together by a black strap of fabric. The top was purple, but it was covered in black sparkles, forming the shapes of flowers. The purple silk veil was held in place by a black headband (the only simplicity Anne had allowed), and of course, the black diamond ring was on her left hand.

She was, for a word, exquisite.

"Uhh… mom?" said a voice from the doorway. Devi turned to see Dib, drowning in black fabric. "I think I may be in the wrong suit."

"_**AAAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!**_" Nny's voice rang throughout the small church. "I'M HUUUUUGE! I'VE GROWN TO GIGANTIC SIZE!"

Then he burst into the room, and saw Dib in his loose-fitting suit. "Oh…_ ooohhh_…"

As the men changed clothes, Tak walked over to them with Mimi in her arms. "How long until the wedding starts? I've been itching away in this thing for 47.894 minutes." She tugged at the lilac lace around her neck.

"As soon as Dad and I change clothes." Said Dib. But, Tak barely heard him, because as he did, Johnny let out a loud, "ah- ah- AH- EEACHOO!"

"Erm- Mr. C.?" said Tak nervously. "Are you alright?"

"(_sniff_) I- I'm fi- EEACHOOO! - I'm fine sweet-EEACHOOO! – Oh, no- EEACHOOO! – You- you have a cat?"

"Yes. Why?"

"Well, huddy," replied Johnny, his nose now stuffed from allergies. "Id case you did't doetice- EEACHOOO! – I'b kida- EEACHOOO! – allergic to cats. EEACHOOO! (_sniff_)." Here he wiped his nose miserably.

"uh-huh." Said Tak, wondering where this was going.

"ad- EEACHOOO! – It would seeb rude if- EEACHOOO! – I was sdeezig throughout duh cerebody."

"It certainly would, sir."

"… EEACHOOO!"

"…"

"_well_?"

"well what?"

"GEDDIT OUDDA HERE!"

"Oh. Okay." And she was gone.

Then the organ music began to play, signaling to Johnny and Dib that it was time to stand at the altar. Dib and Gaz stood behind the back pews, waiting for Gaz to drop flower petals for Mom to walk on, Dib waiting anxiously to say he had the rings. Squee gripped Johnny's hand tightly. Tess dabbed at her eyes with a lacy handkerchief. Happy Noodle Boy decided until Devi came, his book might be a nice hat. "Psst, Johnny!"

"Huh?"

"How are your feet?" asked Squee in a whisper.

Nny was confused. "Umm… my feet?"

"Are they cold? My mommy said she thought Devi's feet might get cold, and I was just worried about yours."

"Oh. I get it. Todd, she meant we might want to back out of the wedding."

"Oh. So, how are your feet?"

Nny chuckled. "Toasty warm. I'd be more worried about Devi. She IS marrying a homicidal maniac."

Then "Here Comes The Bride" started to play, and all conversation ended as the congregation stood up. Devi was linked arm- in- arm with Robo-Dad, as her father was unable to make it. maybe it would make up for the mother and father of the groom, as this was where their wedding and funeral had taken place. As an old custom, Robo-Dad placed Devi's hand in Johnny's, to symbolize that Nny would now be responsible for her life and her health. Frightening thought, isn't it?

Noodle Boy cleared his throat obnoxiously and began the ceremony. "dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join this bagel and this marshmallow in holy matrimony. In all honesty, love is like a magic jellybean. The wallets are full of crap and the clams are chirping. Dear god, why don't I have any toenails…"

Zim slapped Gir on the back of the head. "you forgot to plug in the 5-K!" he hissed.

"hey! I'm just a robot!"

"barely!"

Grumbling, Gir waddled over and plugged in said 5-K. but, he didn't notice how, five seconds later, it began to spark in the plug. The plugs were right behind the table holding the gifts, and ignited the one given by the Casils.

"… so, when you think about it, marriage is the eternal symbol of purple monkeys that bathe in cream cheese-"

And then the smoke alarms went off.

Johnny, of course, immediately took charge. "Ah- ladies and gentlemen, we seem to have a small electrical fire, so if I could ask you all to calmly and quickly head for the exits-"

A large wooden barrier fell from the ceiling.

"_**EVERYBODY RUN AND PANIC**_!" shrieked HNB.

They did. As the small crowd ran from their seats ("hey! Is the wedding over?" wondered Tak.) Satan laughed manically, Mrs. Casil shrieked that she shouldn't have listened to that little brat, and Zim yelled that he would not expire on this filthy planet because of some stupid fire.

Once everyone was in the parking lot, it was almost impossible to believe there had been a church at all, except for a patch of smoldering grass. "WHAT did you DO?!" Zim shrieked at Gir.

"I just plugged in the 5-K!"

Devi grabbed the small defective robot by the neck, and started shaking him, shrieking "_**I'LL PLUG IN**_ YOUR _**5-K**_!"

Jimmy and Anne pulled her back, Anne saying, "Devi-Devs, I know you're upset- but murder is never the answer!"

"well-" began Johnny.

"_never_ the answer!" she insisted.

Devi then changed tactics. As Anne and Jimmy (I _refuse_ to call that sick rapist bastard "Mmy") released her arms, she began crying. Real, heavy, syrupy sobs. "I know!" she blubbered. "I just- I just want-ted our wedding -to be- _perfect_- and now- and now it's all _ruined_!"

"no, it's not."

Everyone turned to see that it was Mimi who had spoken. _Mimi_! Despite the damage Gir had done to him, she had said something of useful input!

"what do you mean?" asked Johnny, his arms encircling his weeping bride (_Good thing I used waterproof makeup_, thought Anne).

"OK, so there was a little fire-" her eyes fell onto the giant square of blackened grass. "uhh… or a big… fire. That destroyed all the gifts… and the cake… and countless other things…"

"Is this going somewhere?" asked everyone.

"Yes. Yes, all that happened, but, that's not what a wedding is about. A wedding is about two people who love each other, who want to spend the rest of their lives together, joining together, surrounded by all the people who love them. And here we all are."

"Wait," said Devi, calming down. "Are you suggesting I get married in a _parking lot_?"

"Yes."

"… Well, all right, then."

"… And you two will cherish the eternal monkey in the eternal gym sock for all eternity. Yup, you'll do that baby-makin' thing for eternity. And you'll eternally love and cherish each other and the eternal pickle by-"

"THIS CEREMONY IS ETERNAL!" Cried Tak.

"Alright, alright! Geez, no need to be a mallowmar about it. eh-hem." He turned to Nny. "Do you, Jonathan Alexander Chadwick, take Devi Elizabeth Dinagander as your lawfully wedded Gumby? In sickness and in cheese, in good times and in crappy ones, for monkeys or for gym shorts, for money or for cardboard, as long as you both shall live, until the cheez-it apocalypse do you part?"

"I do."

"and do you, Devi Elizabeth Dinagander, take Jonathan Alexander Chad-"

"If I didn't, I wouldn't be here. I do."

"Then by the noodles invested in me, by the city of Ignorantville, I now pronounce you Milk Band-Aid and Gumby. You may now- err- _continue_ kissing the pie." Nny and Devi were already eating each other's faces.

During the reception, Devi started crying, because they couldn't do the cake-cutting. Then, they noticed that no one had seen Zim since the fire.

A cry of, "never fear, puny humans, for I have brought _CAKE_!"

Zim was holding up a wedding cake 3 times his height. It was iced in black fondant and purple frosting-ribbons, decorated in skulls and flowers. On the top were two figures that looked like Nny and Devi. They were holding hands, but Devi's doll was holding a bouquet, and Johnny's doll was holding a bloody knife. Tears continued leaking out of Devi's eyes. "Oh, Zim… it… it's…"

"what?! What, bridal pig-smelly? What is- OOMPH!"

Devi had Zim in a hug tighter than his tuxedo. "it's beautiful!" she sobbed. "thank you. Oh, Zim, thank you so much, Zim, you're so amazing, Dominique couldn't have a better friend than you." When she finally let him go, he was covered in lipstick stains.

"yes, well," he grumbled, rubbing uselessly at them. "as a stupid human woman once said, 'let them eat cake'."

And they did. Zim and dib got into an argument, during the tossing, about whether or not Zim would ever marry. "Never!" he cried. "NEVER! I AM ZIM! I WILL NEVER SELL MYSELF TO SOME USELESS FEMALE AND HAVE TO CARRY HER WEIGHT THROUGHOUT THE DURATION OF MY LIFE, NO MATTER HOW PRETTY SHE IS! NEVER! NEVER! NEV-" the garter landed in his extended hand.

"Hooray!" cried Johnny. "Zim and Tak are the next to get married!"

"Huh?" said Zim. "Buh- but-" his eyes fell on Tak, who was cheering and giggling and crying all at the same time. was clutching the black spray-painted roses in her spindly arms.

"you were saying?" Smirked Dib.


End file.
